But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
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