I swear god or herbie drove my car home
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
