i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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