At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
