I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Randomize
