used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
