i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
