I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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