im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
