I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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