but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize