So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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