Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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