Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
