i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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