The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Farmville is her only friend.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
