I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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