i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
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