You can't special order awesome
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize