omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
