I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
