ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
