I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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