the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
My vagina just recognized that song.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
