I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize