I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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