My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I understand Curling. That high.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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