haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I cannot find my penis.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I stole a fireplace last night.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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