Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
