Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize