so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
