guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
