2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
