I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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