idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
