I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
