I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Randomize
