You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
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