i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
he shaved USA in his pubs
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
