he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
pop tarts are not kleenex
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
