Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
