I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Everything about him screamed your future.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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