I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
