I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
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