i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
