I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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