I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
