i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
