Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
