I got chris browned last night
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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