I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
