Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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