I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
