i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
