I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I had to cum in my sink.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
