The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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