It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize