Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
