Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
