If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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