Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize