fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
She's the barista slut.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
