We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
