I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
