I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
