really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
