dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
