if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize