don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
