that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
