dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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